离开一个让你熟悉、舒服的地方好难。
尤其你知道前方的未来好多苦要吃。
哎，吃不完的苦。
加油。

Sad

My grieving started when i got to know you have cancer...
And basically, the mourning process set in...
Because i know it is the deadliest cancer.And no one can stop it...not even chemo, or radiotherapy.
When you left 6 months later, I kept thinking...
The memories seem frozen, in a time...where you were still alive.
When i tried my best to remember,the last memories you that you can give.

"Becareful when you are driving.Dont go back so late!"
This was your last advice to me, which was so loud, and till now still reverberates in my mind.

Even though i know in the past you met some failure in life.
No one is forever successful and who doesnt even have the lowest point of life?
But you never fail treating me like a daughter.

When i saw that in your diary, you have a plan for this coming chinese new year...which is to invite us, friends and relative to have new year meal.You even listed it out one by one, and what to eat, where to order the food..I just cant hold it anymore...
______________________________________________________________________________
You were positive...
You said your coughing was due to eating too much of pickles...
You will gain back your strength after you have appetite to eat...
I bought multivitamins and chicken essence for you, I dont know...how much you can have
Before i went to Japan, you asked me to buy you a light colour polo shirt...
But it was winter in Japan...i couldnt find any thing that match it...

You used to give me pocket money when I studied...
I used to study on your writing table.
And woke up at 4.30am to find you sitting in living room alone huffing and puffing...
You often brought me to makan and send me to hostels...

Was i regret for not asking you to stop smoking?
Yes...it may spare you another 10 years?
No... I cant beat the ageing..and genetics that contribute to that.
At the last moment, it doesn't make any changes...as long as you are happy.

You are always proud of us...
And i havent got time to pay you back.

I hope there is no suffering.
At the place you now call home.

"We are just visitors to this time, this place.
We are just passing though.
Our purpose here is to observe, to learn, to grow, to love...
And then we return home."The Australian Aborigines.