Sad

My grieving started when i got to know you have cancer...
And basically, the mourning process set in...
Because i know it is the deadliest cancer.And no one can stop it...not even chemo, or radiotherapy.
When you left 6 months later, I kept thinking...
The memories seem frozen, in a time...where you were still alive.
When i tried my best to remember,the last memories you that you can give.

"Becareful when you are driving.Dont go back so late!"
This was your last advice to me, which was so loud, and till now still reverberates in my mind.

Even though i know in the past you met some failure in life.
No one is forever successful and who doesnt even have the lowest point of life?
But you never fail treating me like a daughter.

When i saw that in your diary, you have a plan for this coming chinese new year...which is to invite us, friends and relative to have new year meal.You even listed it out one by one, and what to eat, where to order the food..I just cant hold it anymore...
______________________________________________________________________________
You were positive...
You said your coughing was due to eating too much of pickles...
You will gain back your strength after you have appetite to eat...
I bought multivitamins and chicken essence for you, I dont know...how much you can have
Before i went to Japan, you asked me to buy you a light colour polo shirt...
But it was winter in Japan...i couldnt find any thing that match it...

You used to give me pocket money when I studied...
I used to study on your writing table.
And woke up at 4.30am to find you sitting in living room alone huffing and puffing...
You often brought me to makan and send me to hostels...

Was i regret for not asking you to stop smoking?
Yes...it may spare you another 10 years?
No... I cant beat the ageing..and genetics that contribute to that.
At the last moment, it doesn't make any changes...as long as you are happy.

You are always proud of us...
And i havent got time to pay you back.

I hope there is no suffering.
At the place you now call home.

"We are just visitors to this time, this place.
We are just passing though.
Our purpose here is to observe, to learn, to grow, to love...
And then we return home."The Australian Aborigines.

Occult Malignan-me...?

Most of the people find me approachable and nice...
Lately finding myself more and more difficult to contain my anger.
If I am too nice, people kind of take advantages on me.
I need to be calm. I think I need to learn some anger management skills...
Something is missing.

Fight!

Cooked a considerably 'sumptious' dinner for myself before heading to study...surprisingly cannot finish...full!

Pastas are not my favourite,but i guess people surrounding me are influencing me...believe or not.This is the first time cooking pasta in solo.

 

结果今早差点睡不醒。Sweat...

Wine!

不知从何时开始，我爱上了红酒。。。
好像是发现酒精对我而言，像安眠药。。。喝了特别好睡觉。。。
以前红酒就是红酒。。。没什么分别。。。

第一个懂得的红酒是Merlot，表姐夫说女生都比较喜欢这一类型。
现在知道红酒有好多种。。
从Pinot Noir, Merlot, Cabernet Sauvignon,到Syraz.
从味蕾感觉被刺激虐待到体会其中的tannin, acidity, sweet, fruity, oak...

不爱syraz...可能还没买到好喝的。
冰箱里那一只摆到可以丢了。

即时是Merlot,不一样的每一瓶，都会给舌尖上不一样的酸甜苦度。
有人说每个人的味蕾是独一无二的，所以品尝出来的味道、感觉都及其不同。

一个法国人对我说过，
没有最好的酒，只有你喜欢的酒。

现在exploring white whine...好爱Moscato...!

我开始幻想如果我有一个家，除了咖啡机。。。我要有个小小的wine cellar。。。

发现到一个很好的网站。。。winefolly.com...让学习wine变得很轻松！

Before i go to sleep, cheers!

别读得太仔细。

缘份是本书，翻得不经意会错过，读得太仔细会流泪。

Yeah.Almost A Year....

As you said...almost a year without a post. I should update myself again.
I am fine here. Spending a year, living a life of solitude but I enjoy it.
It gives me more time to learn about myself.
Of course on and off I did write.
But It's just negative emotions that I do not like to reveal.
No place is safer than your heart and brain.

Life has up and down.
I guess it's time to move on and to think about next destination.
Looking forward to July and December...

Blue

It's been some time since I really spend time on blogging...
Anyhow,this is just a virtual space...
You cannot get to know a person well just via a blog, right.
But I admit lately I am feeling blue.
19 June 2013 was the day I ended my housemanship at HRPB.
Going to report to Hosp Slim River on 1st July...
Damn,time really waits for no man
Still can remember how i started my first posting in O&G department and then orthopaedics,medical,surgical,paediatrics and finally anaesthesiology...
I do not know what posting I am going to get for my MO ship.Sad to say that,but most of us really cannot decide on what we really want in this critical period in Perak state.
I feel envy,towards my friends at other state, where they can stay back in tertiary hospital in the department they like.
Whereas our fate is being tossed by the superior.
Well,for them we need to menjunjung perintah kerajaan...keputusan always muktamad while some people still able to pull string.
Sometimes just feel fed up.
No wonder more and more people leaving to Singapore...
Ah,just hope can go into medical or anesthesiology department.