TLC

Had a chance to go to palliative care unit for one week.

In palliative care unit, when a patient passes away, their family members remain calm and cool.

No denial, no anger, no hysterical cries.

Dato asked me why? I couldn't answer.

" Because at the time when the family members were told that the patient had a terminally ill disease, they already started to mourn. This is called anticipatory grief."

"So from the diagnosis to death, if it is 3 years, they have been mourning for 3 years."

"So when a patient eventually dies, it may be a relief for the family members."
No wonder. People cry hysterically when someone dies unexpectedly.

Because the death is too sudden.

Because they feel that they have not done enough for the deceased.

Because they feel guilty.

Have you ever had feeling of impending lost?
Or something important in your life is just about to, go?

It's sad to even think of it.

请尊重生命

最讨厌百忙中，还要clerk 那些想寻死的人。

死不成，还要浪费别人宝贵时间、人力资源。。。

如果你不珍惜生命了，如果可以跟不想死，却白死的人交换。

那，请交给我。可以吗？

好多人想活都没选择了，你们却在哪儿浪费生命。

多奢侈。

Tired...depressed...working for almost 20 days without a break...
I need a break, seriously gonna be depressed...
I smiled, it doesnt mean that i m happy...
I worked as usual, it doesnt mean that I enjoy it a lot lately
It's just an art of life...

Tears in Heaven

Tell me if there is heaven...

Sorrow

I cant stop, my tears just dribbling down non stop.
I cant believe that u just left us like that, this is not like you.
Not like you at all.
I hate to wear mask, but i need to wear it, so that no one can see my sorrow.
Today is such a long day...I wish I can go back to pay you last respect...
But I was just crying, for not able to go back. I feel so useless....

You are still so young....
You are still so young....

In medical field i understand that 事事无常，things are unpredictable, so inconstant. I heard of people dying each day...The patients that i once so used to chat with. Just gone when I was away for one week....

But when things happen just around you. Just dont feel like acceptable...

I feel like robotic...I didnt know what the hell I was doing the whole day.

People living, people dying, the world is still spinning non stop like nothing ever happen.

I feel like it was just yesterday, when you, as usual, call me "AUNTY"...
I remember once you said you were broke, wanted to borrow some money from me. At that time i was also very poor ...I didnt manage to borrow you...
It's just so sad that i can only give, during your funeral...

I read back the msg that you once sent me, around a month ago.
I didnt reply you....because I was too tired....
You said you have something to ask me...
I will never have chance to answer you anymore...

You called me up in one of the month, near end of the year, asked me to buy you the cage for your squirrel...I said I dont have time to go out as I am working...
Now if you ask me any favour, I will do it for you...

I remember vividly how you look like during last wedding dinner that we met in IPOH...I tried hard but i cant remember the conversation. I am so sorry....

This is so unacceptable...You are such a cheerful man. Why they try to claim you?

You are so bad, you didnt attend my convocation last year...And this year I cant attend yours....
This Chinese New Year, you never turn up as usual.
I am looking forward to the next new year. But without you, CNY will be very dull...

May you rest in peace, my nephew, my uncle ,Wee Wai Hwa.

他就这么走了，太快了。。。
从没对他微笑过。。。再也没机会了。

不知道为何我总是那么多事。。。心又软。。。

今天听到一位病人家属说：“谢谢你的电话charger,它对我很有用，我妈今早过世了。。。

我想起他昨天向我借东西时，我问他，重要吗？他说：“重要，这关系生死。。。。
如果没有的话，我没办法通知我家人来见她最后一面。。。”

我们一起塔电梯。他把charger还我。我没多说什么。电梯在八楼开了。。。
只见一个银色coffin, 他迎上去，我突然觉得很难过。

Today is the last day of CNY...
Can i start to countdown for next chinese new year?
It's my favourite season of all....I even like it more than my own birthday....