漫无目的

For the past 2 months, i was hoping that my phase IIIA exam could end as fast as possible.
At that time i just aimed to pass the exam. That's all.
Work hard for it. Sacrified my freedom. Studied like a bookworm. Eventually i passed.
What a nightmare...cant imagine how i m going to face Phase IIIB exam one and half year later.
But now, i feel like i am wandering aimlessly.
Don't want to do anything. Don't feel like doing elective. So nice if i can attend the remedial class.
Even better than doing elective.
I did not plan anything for my elective yet. No Supervisor. No topic. No approach.
Yet, i have to submit my proposal by 24 August 2009.
How...How... How....?
Have to rush everything when i m back to um on 15.
Hate this kind of feeling....

哀悼

一位老师的儿子因为一场车祸而过事。。。妈妈为了这件事伤心了好几天。
虽然对那位孩子印象模糊了。。。但有见过。。。
替老师感到难过。。。
孩子是无辜的，无端端成了鲁莽驾驶的受害者。
只因为司机驾驶一百四十的时速，只因为他坐在门旁，睡觉。。。车子翻了，门开了，腾空而飞出去。。。撞倒了头，从此再也不回来了。不能想象，如果这是我亲人，我能否接受？
想象自己只是要去考undang-undang,坐上van,啊，路途很遥远，睡一个觉吧。。。然后车子剧烈摇晃，看见自己飞了出来。还不知发生了什么事情，就撞了下去。头很痛。事情发生太快了。什么都不知道。甚至不知道自己死了。。。
其实不管是谁，听了也心酸，毕竟最近吉赖发生了太多不幸的事情。。 。
不久前三个年轻人也因为一场车祸而过世。。。
看来往后妈妈又多了一个阴影，不放心我们几个兄弟姐妹驾驶了。
之前忙着应付考试，没时间向太多，如今想想，那孩子的突然离开，很伤心、很可惜。。。
为什么他的生命那么短暂？上天是不是很不公平？
借给你一个幸福，又突然被没收回的感觉，可以很痛。
一直都有在心里替他哀悼。
希望他在另一个天国过得很好。没痛楚。没烦恼。
天国存在吗？
我宁可相信它是存在的。

明天

明天要加油！！豁出去了！！下午一点零五分。。。一小时四十分钟后。。我得以解脱！希望顺顺利利。。。

星期三的这一刻

星期三的这一刻，我会是什么心情呢？
是开心？开心，一个月多的痛苦终于结束了。。
是失落？想哭？想大声呐喊？后悔不够用功？因为不会Formulate diagnosis...答不到老师的问题。。。
考试怎么那么折磨人呢。。。
到底会拿什么case?怎样的病人？最重要是决定你生死的老师或教授，是谁？
明天是考long case的第一天。。。如果我明天就去考，等于送死。。。
星期三下午1点之前，我就要具备所有一年学过读过的东西。。。
发现自己还有很多东西没cover,那焦虑的心情 、心跳、胡思乱想。。。很疲惫。。。
希望星期三的这一刻。。。我会没事。。。

Capricorn's

一个批评摩羯座的文章。。。好笑，不过一些话一击就中弱点。
【魔羯座12/22-1/20：無趣到死的木頭人】

當一個魔羯座的人真的蠻可憐的，不只身邊的人會因為覺得你太無趣而離開你，連你自己都受不了再繼續過這種了無新意的生活，卻無能為力改變這種現狀，真是悲哀到家!
因 為永遠不知變通，所以只好墨守成規，畫地自限，但可憐的是，偏偏魔羯又是世上野心最大的人，所以常常有一種為什麼別人沒有視我為最重要人物的不平之鳴，因 為自己沒種，只敢想卻又不敢表達出來，所以長期壓抑下來的結果，不是得了憂鬱症，就是變成變態狂！別傻了！沒人會同情你的，因為你這種死悲觀，到老也改不 了，所以誰也懶得理你！
永遠活在過去的成就跟陰影當中，以苦為樂，常看到一個魔羯不是在說'想當初我過得多苦，哪有像你現在過得那麼好命'；就是在說'想 當初，我經過了多少努力，如何功成名就。那種把自身的痛苦誇大並保存的能力無人能敵，而且越老越嚴重！悶也就算了，還老愛教訓人，教訓人也就算了，還毫無 創意，永遠說著同樣的訓辭，三百條原則壓死自己還不夠，還要壓死那些你身邊的親朋好友，拜託，人生苦短，你要自己沉沦在痛苦中真的隨便你，但請不要用你自 己訂出來的教條，去要求無辜的人。
一個太無趣的人，怎麼可能有愛情？(是吗？）所以，等下輩子吧！看看到老，有沒有辦法被你等到那種心地善良得要死的好人，願意跟你在一起，而且是只為了你的財產！當然，你還是得感激他，因為畢竟為了錢得忍受一生無聊也是不容易的事！

哈哈。。哈哈。。。T_T

Excellent Thought

These are some thoughts generated by world renowned ppl...a friend forwarded to me. I think they are quite meaningful and can serve as a reminder as well as motivations, inspiration...

If you born poor, it's not your mistake;
But if you die poor, it's your mistake.----Bill Gates

In a day, when you don't come across any problems,
You can be sure that you are traveling in a wrong path.---Swami Vivekananda

3 sentences for getting success:
Know more than other, do more than other, expect less than other.---William Shakespeare

If you win, you need not explain.
But if you loss you should not be there to explain.---Adolf Hitler

Don't compare yourself with anyone in this world.
If you do so, you are insulting yourself.--Alen Strike

If we cannot love the person whom we see,
How can we love God, whom we cannot see?---Mother Teresa

I will not say i failed 1000 times,
I will say that I discovered 1000 ways that can cause failure.---Thomas Edison

Believing everybody is Dangerous,
Believing nobody is Very Dangerous. --- Abraham Lincoln

If someone feels that they had never made a mistake in their life,
Then it means they had never tried a new thing in their life.-Albert Einstein

Winning doesn't always mean being first,
Winning means you're doing better than you've done before.---Bonnie Blair

my ears!

I have a perforated right tympanic membrane(耳膜）。I accidentally knew it on Monday when Doctor Saira was teaching WC to look into my ears using otoscope...and the Weber's test seemed to be positive.maybe it's due to some ear infection secondary to dog's tick that entered my ears when i was small...maybe it was the infection few months back which was responsible.i went to see doctor at HTAR that time and Dr Tee said my tympanic membrane was perforated but i wasn't convinced and ignore it. Now i knew i have to take care of my ears properly.sob sob...

Hamsap patient or innocent patient?

ANGRY!!most of the time,we'll meet nice patient in the ward. This afternoon was an exception.
I accompanied SL to clerk a psychiatric patient which had attempted a suicide. I am not going to tell the story of how this patient attempted the suicide, but it is about the patient next to our patient who had committed the "crime".
Since we have to built good rapport with the patient, we need a good eye contact. So i slightly leaned forward to talk to the patient while SL sat on the patient's bed.
When i was talking and listening attentively, i felt a sudden struck on my buttock.
It was round and hard+firm, shape was like a fist, measuring a man's fist. It landed on my left buttock purposely and retreated immediately.
My intuition and instinct being a female commanded me to turn and i stared at the man behind me.
He was looking at me and asked:"Why? what happened?"
I stared at the patient. My heart was burning furiously. I wanted to shout FuXk YOU but my conscience halted me to do so. I replied:"your HAND!"and gazed straight into his eyes.
He said:"sorry, saya baru bangun dari tidur.TERKEJUT. saya tak boleh tidur nyenyak dalam hospital.Tangan terkeluar".
I was quite unsure whether he's real or talking big fat lie. But i did not want to misjudge a patient. what if he's telling me the truth?Moreover, it is not good for me to shout at him in front of my patient. and i was busy, rushing to finish the clerking before night falls.
So i persuaded myself to believe that he was innocent and turned to our patient and continued our clerking.
I changed my position and talked to our patient's mother while SL clerked our patient.
I asked the lady whether she saw the monster's act but she denied.
I did notice the monster look at my direction few times and i had no fear in returning back my stares.
The monster friends came to visit him. After around 1o minutes, the monster called me again. I went to his bed and again he asked:"what happened just now?"I saw NOT a bit sincere in his eyes.
I replied in a loud and higher tone:"You PUKUL PUNGGUNG saya dengan tangan awak. I was very angry! But if you didn't do it purposely, it is ok. But if u did it purposely, i will sue you and curse you not to reach paradise."of course, the last sentence was not blurted out.
If he was innocent, then my words didnt hurt him. if he really did it, perhaps he'll feel ashamed.
I think my voice was loud enough to reverberate to few beds around me.
He answered me the same thing again:saya terkejut dari tidur.
I couldn't do anything since i had no proof.

This is a situation commonly faced by female. many of my female friends encountered the same thing. but they usually dont know how to act.what to do?majority of the females are unsure whether they are molested or not since they dont have eyes at the back. Body to body contacts are normal in our daily life. sometimes i do accidentally hit someone's breast or buttock and vice versa. But why we dont care that much? because they dont do it with a bad intention, whereas the MONSTERs do.
If this happen to you,confront it bravely and don't keep silent. stare back at them and if they continue to touch your body part, shout for help.